So last Friday I fucked up the time for my first counseling appointment in years. I was in such bad shape that the receptionist went hunting for an available provider of her own volition. Truth be told, she probably saved my life.
The counselor who took me in “wasn’t even supposed to be there” that day. She was annoyed but worked with me anyway. Because of her diligence and a serendipitous knock at her door I was able to see a new psychiatrist that same afternoon.
Turns out, the new psychiatrist was taking all the patients of my old psychiatrist, who had left a month before. He took a deep dive on Borderline and/or Bipolar with me to review my diagnosis – at my request, listened to my concerns about CPTSD & ADHD, and discussed future options with me – including new medication. I asked for the weekend to research the three medications we discussed, and he was comfortable with that.
I don’t know how my weekend would have gone without the kindness and hard work of other people. No one had to do me any favors. I am so grateful to all of these human beings. Because of them I found some hope again and I’m going to do my best to keep that little fire lit.